this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
