I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
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I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
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I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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