all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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