my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
