you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
