At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
