woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you have feelings for this penis?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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