Where is the hickey?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
