i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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