my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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