is your mom at the bar?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
