I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
