people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
