hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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