No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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