A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I need to sanitize my soul.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
