a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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