Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
