Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
