Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
