you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
