If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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