And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
