She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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