what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
