omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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