Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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