Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
