maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
