I can tuck mytits in my pants
too bad you live with your parents still
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
