shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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