I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
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I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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