I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize