My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
ugly people sure do ruin things
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
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This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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