i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
