I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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