i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
