I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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