yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
