how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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