gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
