Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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