i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
