U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
