Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
