Did you just see the Batmobile???
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
