The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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