Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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