Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
