her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
