His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
