Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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