I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
