Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
