Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
