I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
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Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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