im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
