So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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